The Center

My dear friend Sam's father died today. Sam and I have been friends for about twenty years now. We have gone through a lot together so he is someone I hold very close to my heart.

We met for dinner last night with a couple of other friends, and I learned about his father's sudden discovery that he had Stage Four lung cancer just a few weeks ago, while on a visit to Taiwan with his wife. With an understanding that his father's condition was deteriorating, Sam was on his way to Taiwan this morning. Unfortunately, his father died shortly after our dinner.

Early this morning, I talked to Sam briefly on his way to the airport. He was still numb, unsure of how to process the news. It was painful to imagine him getting on the plane alone, even though I knew that he had his mother and other family members waiting were waiting for him. In some way, I wished that I could go with him to help him go through whatever he will be going through in the next weeks.

In a moment of meditation, I visualized my feelings about the situation. I saw Sam walking willfully into a big storm, then as the strong winds hit him, I sensed that he was afraid and his arms flailed, but he was swallowed by the storm. I reminded myself that all storms end, and that he would come out on the other side.

Later in the afternoon I went to a yoga class, where our teacher Johan began the session by telling us to try to find our center. Despite the fact that the yoga studios is in the middle of Soho, New York, where everything is hectic, we had one hour to try to connect with our inner selves. That's when I visualized the second part of the storm.

In Buddhist teachings, we learn that that true self is silent and still, but it is surrounded by noise and distractions. Our true self is the center of the storm - a dot of truth that is hidden and surrounded by so much negativity. All that we experience in life as hurt, anger, and frustrations cause us to build strong walls to protect the true self. The closer you get to the center, the more fierce the storm.

This brought me some comfort. Because I know that despite how Sam comes out of the storm, his experience would bring him closer to the center of his being. And though he may not know it, in the midst of all the chaos, the experience would bring him, in the long run, closer to his true self.